Birthday Wishes

I hope im allowed to make few wishes on my birthday... Anyway, the main one is the most important and every year i wish for that. Now that i have my dear, it will be a very special birthday celebration for me on that day starting this year. Even there are no presents, no expensive food and also no big celebration, to celebrate it with my dear, it is enough for me and im feeling very happy about it. Spending time together with her makes me feel happy. Thanks dear.

Finally... i found you

Finally i found the love of my life... i thought that i would never find someone in my life anymore. But she finally answer my prayer and she is there to lift my hand and give me the warm, care and love whenever i need it. Thank you my dear... i love you.

Is it true this time?

Is been quite a while since i last updated this blog. Lately i been sleeping well and i have finally found my direction. I just hope that she will accept me one day and we can be together forever. Now, each day i just keep thinking of her most of the time. I really wish that this time is true...

Disappointing Sunday

I miss out to post my blog on christmas and new year.. today is already almost mid of january 2010. Why i didnt share out my happiness during the time when i was happy and i only think about to write when im feeling down. Im having another disappointing Sunday morning. Actually is not big deal for many people but for me, it means a lot. For many weeks already, i been having breakfast alone. As i drive without knowing my destination, i saw many of the cars passed by me is full with their family members. As i make my decision and go to a restaurant to have my breakfast, again i saw mostly of the tables is occupied by families. Im just alone out there to have my breakfast. I wonder where is the value of family gone by for my family. They all just take care of themselves and go different ways. During weekdays, i will have to wake up around 6am in the morning and prepare myself to work. I thought by weekend i can spend some quality times with my family at least starting with having a nice breakfast together. It will just end up in disappointment for me. Sometimes, my eldest brother will at least still sms me to have breakfast together on Saturday morning. Other than that, they all will just go their own way. Just now as i drive passing by one of my friend house, i saw she just arrive with her husband and also her sister and parents back from outside. Suddenly i feel so envy of them... I think is better starting from now, i just dont hope so much and just go my own way as usual. I guess it will be better that way and i wont feel so disappointed anymore.

I wish i can take it out from me...

Tomorrow i will be back to work for the first time after 7 months rest at home. Got some nervous feeling but that is not my main concern and problem still. I still cant get the feeling to be happy and cheer. I was chatting with a friend just now. I feel that im really desperate for love lately. Started with a joke with her and both of us get deep and finally my mood turn bad because thinking back of so many things. I told her i already forgotten what is the feeling to be with someone i love. Is been some times and i realise i really fail in this matter. My friends was hoping that i will be able to join them for the coming christmas party but i guess i dont really have the mood. I cant really enjoy with this kind of mood i have. I just feel that i want to be alone. At least that way i wont offended anyone with the bad mood i have. Hope that i will get busy with work and forget everything. Every night for me, is the same. I will have a disturbed mind, thinking about all the negative things in my life. Im feeling tired... tired for an extent that i wish all of this would just end in my life. Maybe if i totally change myself, then all this will end... at the same time, i might lost all the friends i have for now... Would i change?


"You are there... but you are not really there for me"

"because we have different kind of link in life......"

WTF

Well, i guess this is a place where i can say what ever i want. Fuck it all... I dont really understand but i just feel very upset about myself. Damn fucking upset.. I cant get to know what i really want. Although just secure a new job, i didnt even feel happy about it too much. What the fuck is happening? Damn... im tired... aih...

Sorry and thank you

Today morning i had an appointment with a clinic to do my medical checkup for my new employment. As usual, they will take my blood sample and urine to do the test. In the process, this malay lady doctor was a friendly one and i chat with her about my past working experience in overseas. She asked me before the test that anything i should tell about myself that is about my health. Just to do a confession before any test is done. Then i told her about my diabetec. Actually i already guess that the result will still be the same for my blood sugar level. Just that my parents will always over react and im really tired of it. So as i thought, the result is the same for my blood sugar level. It didnt go down and still the same. But one news is happy for me that is i lost another 3kg. So i finish doing the test and i went for my breakfast. I was thinking of telling lies to my parents about the result, but at the end... i still told them the truth. Same as usual, i get nagging from them again which is nothing new to me. After i finish my breakfast, i went to watch a movie alone. I went to watch "New Moon". Enjoyed the movie for 2 hours and after that it was lunch time. I pass by a shop and my friend is working there so i ask her for lunch together. She is a talkative type. So is good to have her around for an hour and listen to her stories since im so lonely and boring. I enjoyed the lunch with her and then i back home telling my mom n dad about the result. So i end up going upstair take a bath and here i am now writing this blog because i feel i wanted to. Nothing much actually but sometimes i feel is better for me to write down all this things. At least i can keep it some where else rather inside me. Hopefully starting next week when i back to work, all the positive energies will come back to me...


"Im old enough to know it.... but i know is your love which you are offering to shower me...."


"sorry if i hurt both of you in any way.... i love both of you since the day i was born..."