Is time to wake up

There wouldn't be any good for me and no need to waste time anymore. Just wake up. Please help me kill the devil inside me and get me awake from this nightmare... I need to be conscious... Good things are not meant for me.. So no need to waste time thinking of it.

Getting a new start...

A new start just arrive few days back. Finally i able to secure a new job. The last two days also very enjoyable with group of close friends went on to a trip. But something was missing. At times i do feel very boring even though is on trip with them. The mood just suddenly change just like that. But i guess i know what is the thing missing and what is the thing trigger my mood already. I realise it after i deeply think of it during my way back on the trip that day. But things would never favour me and i should have just forget it. Trying not to think too much but i just feel that destiny didnt really help me much yet on certain things. So i can only just keep on dreaming on what that is impossible to happen as i want it that way. When we say life sometimes is really unfair, but at least i still able to make choices. Some dont even have the chance to make any choices in their life. So what i can say is my life is already better than many people. By that way, i guess is better for me to keep moving on. To my friends, thanks for giving me a happy time during the trip. You guys are great all the time....





"you are near at times... but i will never be able to be with you...."

"all i can do is just seeing you be happy then im happy enough...."

Feelings, Help & Behaviours

Just discovered something and i realise that sometimes when we do something, we tend to just think about ourselves and unfortunately forget about others. The thing I'm referring here is about other's people feelings. This few months of mood less life have make me forget that so many people actually care for me and in the process i had indirectly hurt their feelings too. I would like to say sorry and apologize to them. Sorry for hurting the feelings. I never really like to calculate so much with my friends, especially my buddies and those close to me. When ever my friends needed help i will always try my best to offer my help to them. Even i have to sacrifice sometimes, i still proceed to help. People say when you help someone, you shouldn't expect back the return. Is true though, but in this realistic world now days... very seldom already. But it also depends on what type of help offered on that time. If just a favour then is really nothing but if is about materials then it should be return someday too. We shall never forget that every help come to us when we needed that time and we shall return it if we are capable of returning it. That's the cycle of life that shows we appreciate and remember our friends help. Is really sad to see my friend feel so sad about what happened to her lately. Human behaviour is actually quite hard to change. When it is hard, it will turns to lie because we cheated ourselves and also other people that we able to change. People say time will heal, time will change someone and time will prove things right. I really hope that the person will really change and never lie again. Just be patient with him and give him some more time to show that actually everyone does care about what he actually do. Behaviour really changes people's life. If you are ego, too proud of yourself, act smart and always lie, then slowly people will leave you alone. People tend to feel tired trying to cope with that person bad attitude all the time. But actually sometimes they never realise because they never thought that all this while they are wrong. It is also depends on people around to be very straight forward only then everything is clearly seen by own selves. I guess this is back to "the ugly truth" because the truth always hurt. But i guess is better to hurt and cure earlier then to wait until too long as it will hurt deeper and maybe by that time wont have any medicine to cure it anymore.


"Good or bad... we must learn to accept the truth.."

Black & White Days

Just finish another drama of 33 episodes in just 2 and half days. Nothing much i wish to do so i just watch drama to kill time. Actually from the drama itself, maybe is true that to gain happiness at the end, one must go through all kinds of painful event in life. Another drama that ended with so many sacrifice and killed along the way to the good ending. This few days, i just feel everything to me is plain, tasteless and just look like black and white. Seems like my blog has become the place i put out my sorrow which i think is not good at all. I hope soon i can post many cheerful and happy event here also. Late at night now at 1.30am, i still feel sleepless but at the same time i dont know what to do. Wish to thanks to those who so care for me and worry for me this few days. Im really sorry to make you all worry and at the same time i wish to thank you all. Everything just not going my way for now. I hope the good time will arrive soon...


"I believe in the bitter taste there are still sweet taste in it..."

Giving Up

There are many times i feel like giving up. Giving up everything and just lay rest. I wonder those friends of mine who already gone to another world they must be thinking they shouldnt have leave so soon. This feeling is actually killing me. Wonder how long i can go on like this.... No direction for me and i really feel to end it myself.


"The clock is ticking... every moment i feel like ending this life.."

Be Patient...

A friend told me today that every couple also got their own problems.. I totally agree with that. Many years ago, i've experienced it myself. Thats why i totally understand. But this world really inbalance because those who have never really appreciate. Some over care, some less care and some dont even care. I just feel very painful inside me because i dont have the chance anymore. I wish that the person really appreciate the partner who is so patient and understanding for so many years already all this while.. Hopefully both of them will have a happy and lovely life together.

"Dont ever give up on him... because i believe he will realise that he have someone special beside him all this while very soon..Wish both of you happily ever after..."

Wishes

Today is the last day for the month of November 2009. By 12am later, the final month of 2009 will start. Im still here alone thinking again and again. Im not sure what hit me today but my mood is not really good. Even go out dinner with my family i didnt say much and just silent. Sometimes i just think that how nice if i had someone just like the song "My Love Will Get You Home".. When ever i feel lost, that someone special can lead me back.. Too bad i dont have such luck. Sitting at here writing actually really makes me feel very down. I dont know where to go out there. The weather really match my mood this few days. Sometimes it is sunny and sometimes it just keep raining. I wonder how will i pass the final month of 2009. Those moments being alone really let me have too much space to think of about everything. Every year of my birthday, i also make the same wish... and every year, it really came true.. I afraid that if any year if i make some other wishes, then things will go different way. Last week, i been very happy finishing up a task. A task that given by a friend to be completed for an upcoming event. I just wish everything will go smooth on that day.


"If wishes really can be granted... i do wish that......."